Wendy’s ever-changing favorite new hobby

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I love crafts.  I recently had time to dwell on the question: “What is the one thing you HAVE TO do, or you’ll go crazy?”  My answer, after little thought, was “Create something”.  Sometimes the little thoughts are the ones that have the most truth to them.  Those ideas that just pop into your head as a response to a question are typically, I’ve found, either programmed through my up-bringing or the true, unfiltered truth.  This is how the name of this blog came to me.  I thought “Hmm…I need to name this blog so that I can comment on my friend Carrie’s blog.  What should I call it?  Hmm…let’s see…let me get some ideas churning here….like  a butter churn.  Oh yeah.  That will do.”

Churning thoughts are common in the world of Wendy.  Hi, I’m Wendy…the writer of the churn. (See what I mean?)  I’m often a very random thinker.  My husband says that I am perma-stoned. (you should hear those random thoughts when I actually AM stoned!)  My HAVE TO need to survive without the crazies, the need to create, often floods my thoughts.

Here is a list of the Wendy HAVE TO create plans I have for…hmm…can I do all of these right now?

-Become a beekeeper so that I can use the bees for their honey, and extract their honeycomb wax for candles. I also want them because I want a bunch of flowers in my yard, and we have a garden.  Bees like that.

– Sew vintage clothes with all of the kickass sewing patterns that I have hoarded in one huge tupperware storage tub.  I’ve picked them up from thrift stores for MANY years.  For these many years I’ve been telling myself that I am going to sew clothes for myself and my family and rock that shit out.  I have ideas of grandeur for our outer appearance.  I want to look ‘shabby and chic’ and want to be proud of myself for not blending in by wearing whatever the rest of the population deems to be normal attire.

– Make photography props and sell them!  This includes sewing those ever-so-leechlike baby headbands that you see taking over the heads of newborns being photographed worldwide.  I’m convinced that if future civilizations look back on today’s infant portraiture, they will be convinced that by 2012 we, as a species, had evolved genetically to have the ability to grow flowers from our heads.  Oh…and they will think that we had flawless, glowing skin (thanks to the tremendous need for photographer’s everywhere to edit skin until it has NO unique quality to it what-so-ever).  We’re all porcelain, right?  Well, the white folks, anyway.  The black folks have skin that is a melted, milky chocolate goodness.  Like a Dove chocolate commercial.  Mmmmm….chocolate.

– Make candles.  The bees and their honeycomb will be great for the wax.  For now, maybe I should start by melting down this 30 lb. block of wax I purchased with my 40% off Michael’s coupon to see if I can do it the un-original way.  That might be a good test of my ability to “Make” candles, right?  I put the word “Make” into quotations because I think it is cheap to say that you are making candles, when all you are doing is buying the wax and the mold and following directions on the package.  I want to MAKE candles….like, dip the wick that’s-what-she-said kind of make them.  I want to build the hives, attain the bees, extract the wax and MAKE the candles.

*side note: I am allergic to bees.  I think I might need to invest in some Epipens before donning my newly purchased bee suit that I picked up off of E-bay.  I think I feel as if I need to overcome this fear of being stung and become one with the bees.  Yes, I know…a bit masochistic.  But I feel it will also be a healthy thing for me.

– another craft that I MUST create: I must bake.  I must have desserts in my oven at all times.  I must wear a vintage apron that I have sewn from my vintage patterns and BAKE like a mad woman.  I MUST make my own bread for our family (which I have and DO!  YAY ME!).  I must experiment with spices and how they blend with one another.  I must continue my hoard of cookbooks that I attain at thrift stores (love those thrift stores…I’m sure I’ll write many stories about THAT later on….THAT).  I want to bake muffins and cheesecake and banana bread and pretzels and more and More and MORE!  (another thing about me.  I like MORE!- sometimes in a glutton sort of way, and other times in a hoarder type of disorder)

– Yard art.  I MUST create things out of junk and display them in my yard.  Maybe I will sell them too.  I must drive around on trash day and pick up broken lamps and old doors and rickety ass tables and make them MINE!  I must have delusions that I will paint them a brilliant aqua color…but an aqua color that is crackled and old and weathered looking.  I MUST tell myself that I know how to recover a chair…even though I have never attempted it before.  BUT…MORE!  I do already have the fabric/furniture staple gun that I need to recover.  (Here it is…the confession…I hoard craft items because I tell myself that if the world stops beyond the walls of my house I HAVE TO own a staple gun, candle making kit, woodburning tool, zillions of buttons, overload of fabric, random junk to make fabulous junk art with….and on, on, on.  I am a CRAFT HOARDER!)–but don’t tell my husband 😉  hehehe ) <DUH!  He DID move all of my hoard to our new home.  I think the may have caught onto me by now.  Alas….I will continue to deny it>

– I HAVE TO decorate.  I have stacks of stuff all around our new living quarters that I plan to make into this awesome retro-bohemian chill pad.  Hanging lamps, wall tapestries, wooden divider screen, old ass silk scarves that I say I am going to sew together to make pillows.  All THAT.  I have delusions of grandeur here, too.  I think I could create a room like I tag on Pinterest.  I think I can have this chill pad…and have a toddler who will, of course, think it is chill too and not terrorize it.  Riiiiiight.

– I MUST plant flowers and garden.  Boy o’ boy, I went deep into this one last Spring.  I had this notion that I would be a master grower of the flora and that the fauna everywhere would worship me (or did I get the flora and fauna reversed there?  For some reason, I always end up sounding stupid because I often reverse them.  Ah well, I’m not going to stop to google it.  You do that for me and let me know, m’kay?)  This notion that I began last Spring was inflated by my Ego thinking that I could grow these flowers so well that I could SELL them, too!  (See this other theme I have in my life?  I’m always trying to make money by creating things.  Always.  And I’m proud of that.  I think it is a good goal 😉

So…that about sums up the majority of  MUST and HAVE TO create projects that I have running around in my head.  I tell myself that since I’m now living the life of a retired ole broad, I can do them 24-7.  Not happening yet…but I look forward to grooming this new living space into all that it can be, creatively.

 

That.

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