Creativity Re-focus.

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Less photography, more crafties.  This is what I’ve decided today.  I have a HUGE chance to really be able to make things like I’ve always dreamed.  I can hot glue things together.  I can use my sewing patterns.  I have a chance to make the thought “I can totally make that” into a reality of “I MADE that!”

I always seem to have this massive amount of creative energy that I just can’t get OUT.  I thought that photography was filling the void for me…but lately, I know that this is no longer the case.

Slowly, my photography business has gone poo poo.  I let this happen.  I have been thinking about how it happened today, and have pretty much came to the conclusion that I must have subconsciously willed it so.

In the past few months, I have had two separate photographers that I have photographed for (because I enjoy photographing for others more than I enjoy shooting for myself) complain about my images.

I read a few blogs back the other day, and was annoyed by my own writing.  The photography ego is a mean one.  An ugly one.  I don’t want to become “THAT” photographer.  I was once on the very edge of jumping off into becoming the self proclaimed master photographer…but luckily, my husband kicked my ass back into gear and called me out for being such a stuck up, self righteous bitch.  I have an excellent husband.  I was pretty pissed at him at the time…but he was right.  I’m glad he had the balls to call me out and not just put up with it and dismiss it.  We would have surely grew apart if he had let me continue on the same path.

Anyhow…two separate photographers have complained that my shutter speed is too low for their liking.  They have also complained about my use of flash.  Here’s the thing…I hate flash and avoid it as much as possible.  I also like to use a slow shutter speed to soak up all of the light in the background that I can.  I don’t like a properly exposed subject (with the help of flash) and a completely dark background.  I like to see the whole picture, per say.

I was pretty bummed out once the second photographer contacted me yesterday via Facebook to voice her discontent with my images.  I drowned my troubles in a small bitch fit via text messaging with my friend Jenny, who is pretty much a blonde Wendy.  She told me the same thing that my husband said…I have a different style than they do.

Is this truly the case…or do they just see me as a chick who doesn’t know what the hell I am doing?  Do they question why I call myself a professional photographer?  Do they talk about me and my shooting “Style” behind my back to other photographers who may have potentially hired me to work with them in the future as a secondary photographer?  Thoughts like these were racing.

A few glasses of wine later…I was numb to it all.  I had pretty much admitted that I was about to reach critical burnout.  I vocalized this thought to my husband.  He is always very understanding and compassionate about my life decisions.  His response was that he didn’t want me to work in a job that made me miserable.    BUT…I don’t quite think I’m to the point that I am miserable as a photographer.  I’m just tired of editing the images…and tired of hearing complaints from other shooters, and tired of being away from my family to work.

Today, I thought more about this…and spent most of the day moping around.  I did a little therapy shopping at Goodwill.  I found myself purchasing a few more crafty projects for “future” crafting sessions.  I plopped my sad little fanny down on the couch in the living room to detox and relax…and found myself perusing around Facebook…and onto a site that sells craft pieces and decor.  Once again, I said “I could do that, I could make that” and saved a bunch of images into a folder that I plan to use as a guide for creating.

I moped a little more..and then pretty much decided that I am going to, once again, refocus on online sales via two pages that I have created on Facebook.  One sells used and upcycled photography props to photographers.  The other is a group page for selling anything you want to whoever will buy it.

I was well on the way to following this path for producing money before we moved to our new home.  Yet, here I am, regressing back into thinking that photography is the only way to make money.  This is not true, and I have to continue to remind myself of this…AND get my butt into gear and start MAKING these ideas COME TO LIFE again!

I feel excited to refocus my creative energy…I just hope I get out of this routine of sitting in front of the computer I have created for myself and get OUT into the garage and yard and MAKE STUFF. 🙂

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